富豪男和贫穷女:请英语高手帮忙

I found that it was difficult for me to write a letter to you in English.So I must be to make a long story short.
(写信首句最好表示一下问候，例如：It’s nice to write to you, but I found write in English is a little difficult for me . must在这里用得不够好，根据你的表达I want to tell a story to you firstly.）
A lovely bear has began to doubt why jilljingchen(首字母需大写) did not write to it in a long time.（这是我的修改：There’s a bear, he had a friend named JillJing Chen. These days he is very astonished why his friend didn’t write back for a long time.）
Did your computer there not show the Chinese or you were really busy recently? (He thought and thought, maybe, his computer cannot show Chinese, or he is busy recent days)
So, first of all,(firstly才是首先的意思，而你表达的是毕竟的意思)you should tell me whether your computer can show the Chinese.（语气不够委婉，把should删掉，改成please tell me …） Then please tell me(换成I hope更好) you are find(fine) and healthy there because from your last letter I knowed（knew） you slept not well.
(Last time you told me that you didn’t sleep well ,so, I hope you are fine and healthy now.)

And I also want to know your situation ,for example, how do you go to school ,by walk , by bus or take the subway; how the old lady lives with you;or other interesting things you are happy to go shares with me.
在这里，我觉得除了询问他的状况外，你可以再添一些自己的生活现在，写信是一种沟通交流，不是咨询哈哈，多写点关于自己的，然后彼此可以寻找到共同点，才会有写信的乐趣。

OK!If you are busy indeed you needn't reply to this letter ,after all your healthy is the most important.finally best wish to you.
(I really want to know your recent life, so I hope to receive your letter soon. )写封回信又不需要多少时间，不会影响身体健康的啦哈哈，其实你还是很希望收到回信的，不是吗？那就表达出来，不用不好意思，呵呵。。
Yours,____
以上是我的一些修改和建议，本人水平有限，献丑了。Good luck!~

内容顺序有点问题.
先写你收到他的信，为他的健康担心的事吧.
可以参考一些范文

语法有点小问题.
Dear Jill (居然第一个单词就写错!)
I find it difficult to write to you in English. (write本来就有写信的意思，不用加a letter. 也没必要用过去式)

So I have to make my words brief.(你是被迫的，不应该用must)

A lovely bear wonder why jilljingchen did not write to him during a long time
(用doubt貌似不礼貌，如果 bear是指自己的话，用him会比it好点)

jilljingchen 是名字吗？首字母要大写

Didn't your computer there show the Chinese character

find 和 healthy 意思重复

or other interesting things you are happy to share with me
(go share好像是分摊的意思吧..不确定)

after all your health is the most important (healthy是形容词)

dear jill

先说“Thank you for your letter.”,然后再简单复述一下对方在信里交代的几个关键问题。这是我番了N次错误后学会的。

不错，很好，就是格式不太对！