高考问答腊梅古诗词:高一英语作文评语
来源：百度文库 编辑：高考问答 时间：2024/04/27 18:39:42
您好，请帮忙看一下这篇作文，请多写些评语（因为我要到礼堂给全年级去讲评我自己的作文），谢谢
title: Childhood
I think my childhood is one of the most important time in my lifetime.
When I remembered the childhood,and played with classmates or brother together,I always felt that my heart was a little cold.
Remembering a day in 1997.My brother and I went to the 北戴河.At midnight ,I walked along the sea lonely,I saw the moon for a long time,it was very bright with the black cloud.At that moment,I stood there and rised my head and thought too many things such as classmates、life and so on.
I hate, I hate a thing,which is called lifetime,is a short life.
You will ask me the reason,it is a long story……
If I could live in the world for ever……
title: Childhood
I think my childhood is one of the most important time in my lifetime.
When I remembered the childhood,and played with classmates or brother together,I always felt that my heart was a little cold.
Remembering a day in 1997.My brother and I went to the 北戴河.At midnight ,I walked along the sea lonely,I saw the moon for a long time,it was very bright with the black cloud.At that moment,I stood there and rised my head and thought too many things such as classmates、life and so on.
I hate, I hate a thing,which is called lifetime,is a short life.
You will ask me the reason,it is a long story……
If I could live in the world for ever……
总体上来看，文章写的是有一定水平的，不过作为一篇好的作文评价，我觉得有一点你要注意，那就是文章一定不要消极，例如：I hate, I hate a thing,which is called lifetime,is a short life.这一句你要表达的心情我能够理解，毕竟生命是宝贵的，它很短暂，能不能发挥它的价值，就看你是怎样看待它的，我个人认为诸如If I could live in the world for ever……，If I could live in the world for ever……这些句子应该在作文中（尤其是大型考试的作文）尽量不要出现，文章应尽量表现出积极的，向上的生活态度和价值观，另外文中：北戴河 这个词一定要用 Beidaihe，不要用中文，其他的注意语法和单词拼写就可以了，it was very bright WITH the black cloud.大写部分个人认为改为IN 或 ON比较合适。
你提了You will ask me the reason,it is a long story…… 但有不说是什么, 轻描淡写...让人读的不舒服. 但总体来说, 还不错!
very good