高考问答北京大学环境学院推免:我想让大家批改我的英语作文
来源：百度文库 编辑：高考问答 时间：2024/05/06 06:43:25
I'm not a basketball fan,but I'm a Shanghainese.So I'm very proud of Yaoming,the famous star.As we all know,Yao plays basketball in NBA now.He shows his strong spirit and perfect skills to us.He is so handsome and hardworking that many people are attracted deeply.Although he is very porpular thoughout the world,he has never forgot his hometown and his friends.I'm proud of him.He is the hero in my heart.
要怎么改啊，帮忙改嘛，谢谢了。
I'm proud of Yaoming
I'm not a basketball fan.But I'm a townmate of yaoming.So I'm very proud of him,the famous basketball star.As we all know,Yao plays basketball in NBA now.He shows his strong spirit and perfect skills to us.He is so handsome and hardworking that many people are attracted deeply.Although he is very popular thoughout the world,he has never forgotten his hometown and his friends.I'm proud of him.He is the hero in my heart.
1.I'm not a basketball fan,but I'm a Shanghainese.个人觉得没有逻辑啊...为什么我不是篮球运动员,而是上海人呢?!因为在这里你用BUT是一个强转折，所以提示上下句有逻辑关系...所以还是改一下...呵呵...
2.So I'm very proud of Yaoming,的逻辑也是一样的.
个人觉得...好像行文上很CHINGLISH哦...呵呵...其他没什么错误,但是读起来总不太舒服...
同意楼上
然后改了三句语法看起来有问题的
As we all know,Yao is playing basketball in NBA now.
Although he is very porpular thoughout the world,he has never forgotten his hometown and his friends.
He is a hero in my heart.
作者是想说虽然不是篮球迷，但和yao是同乡
这个意思吧？？！