污浊圣母:关于英语的短文的，知道的大虾进来帮帮忙，考试要急用呀！！

My Family

My name is Anny. I'm 11 years old .I live in Garden City. I live in Block three. It has 21 floors .I live on the eighteenth floor. There are shops, a playground and garden in the Garden City.

This is my family. There are three people in my family .My mother, my father and me. My mother likes cooking, and my father likes cooking too. I'm a little quiet girl. I study in the Huamei School. My mother is a sales woman. My father is a manager. I hope I will become a secretary in my future.

My father likes hotpot dish best.My mother likes vegetables best. I likes hot pot dish best too.

I like my family. My family is very warm!
My Hobbies

Seventeen years ago, when I was born into the world, I knew nothing about our globe (地球) . Now I have found that there are so many things worth loving in the world, and I have got a lot of fun from them.

I have been interested in reading since I was a child. I like reading all kinds of books, especially stories. When it is raining outside, I can do nothing but stay at home. And then, I'd rather sit in a chair and read a favourite book, listening to the rain and feeling peaceful and comfortable.

Sometimes I am fond of walking in a fine rain. I enjoy the feeling that the drizzle (细雨) meets my hair.

I love all sorts of living things： trees, flowers, grass … , and I take great interest in raising small animals. I've ever raised [I once raised ] (1) kitties (小猫) , puppies (小狗) and rabbits. Now I am raising a lovely hen. I look on them as my friends and I take great care of them.

However, I still spend a lot of time studying and learning. I find it very instructive and interesting. I think everybody should try his or her best to study as well as possible. But it is not a good idea that we should study all the time. Some hobbies can bring happiness and relaxation to your [our] (2) life.

“Friendship”, everyone has the wonderful gift [Friend ship is a wonderful gift everyone has ] (3) to share. I love my friends but I don't think it is easy to make true friends because I believe a friend is a person whom you should treat from the bottom of your heart.

I love travelling very much. I have ever [already] ( 4 ) been to many places and I've learned a lot from travelling. I have also made a lot of foreign friends during my trips. I wish to be able to travel around the world some day.

评 语

这篇谈自己hobby的文章看似平淡，但读起来颇有点诗意。作者用罗列法在文中介绍了自己的一些爱好，由于结构词用得较好(如：especially，and，then，however等)，加上全文动态词语用得较多，句型也有变化，就使文章较为生动活泼，没有枯燥之感。文章中某些语言上的不足之处点评修改如下：

(1)、(4)ever表示“曾经”时，一般不用于肯定句，这里根据上下文应分别改成once和already。

(2)前句用we，这里还是用our较好。

(3)friendship这样位于句首，只能理解为同位语提前，出于大作家手笔或在诗歌中可见，我们的作文不宜模仿，否则有中国式英语之感，故改之。