we are bears:英语小笑话

The preacher was vexed because a certain member of his congregation always fell asleep during the sermon.‎
‎ As the man was snoring in the front row one Sunday, the preacher determined he would teach him not to ‎sleep during the sermon. So, in a whisper, he asked the congreg
ation. "All who want to go to heaven，please rise." Everyone got up except the snorer. After whispering "Be ‎seated", the minister shouted at the top of his voiced, "All those who want to be with the devil, please rise."‎
‎ Awaking with a start, the sleepy-head jumped to his feet and saw the preacher standing tall and angry in ‎the pulpit, "Well, sir," he said, "I don't know what we're voting on, but it looks like you and me are the only ‎ones for it."‎
==============================================
瞌睡者
‎ 牧师非常生气，因为总有一个人在他说教时打瞌睡。一个星期天，正当坐在前排的那个人又在瞌睡时，牧师决定要好好教育他一下，让他不要再在布道时睡觉。于是他低声对信徒们说：“想去天堂的人，都请站起来吧。”所有的人都站了起来——当然，除了那个打瞌睡的人。在低声说过请坐后，牧师高声喊道：“想去下地狱的人请站起来！”打瞌睡的人被这突然的喊叫声惊醒了，他站了起来。看到牧师高站在教坛上，正生气的看着他。‎这个人说道：“噢，先生，我不知道我们在选什么，但看上去只有你和我是候选人。

It was at a five o’clock tea． A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness．

“So good of you to come， Mr．Jones，and where is your brother？”

“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it．”

“How nice！And so original， too！ And you won？”

“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost．”

五点钟，下午茶的时间，一个年轻人因为迟到向女主人致歉。

“您能来可真好，琼斯先生，您的兄弟在哪儿呢？”

“您知道我们在办公室里有非常忙，我们俩只能来一个，所以就掷币来决定由谁来。”

“太有意思了！还那么有独创性！那您赢了？”

“不，”年轻人心不在焉地说，“我输了。”

Is John Listening?

Teacher: John, why aren't you listening?
John: But, teacher, I am listening!
Teacher: If you were listening, tell me what I said.
John: You said, "John, why aren't you listening?"

Little Robert asked his mother for two cents.
小罗伯特向妈妈要两分钱。

"What did you do with the money I gave you yesterday?"
“昨天给你的钱干什么了？”

"I gave it to a poor old woman," he answered.
“我给了一个可怜的老太婆，”他回答说。

"You're a good boy," said the mother proudly.
“你真是个好孩子，”妈妈骄傲地说。

"Here are two cents more. But why are you so interested in the old woman?"
“再给你两分钱。可你为什么对那位老太太那么感兴趣呢？”

"She is the one who sells the candy."
“她是个卖糖果的。”

http://www.seacoo.com/bxjoke/
不知道好不好

不知道